Reluctance to begin the coaching process can have several reasons. From experience, they usually fall into the following categories:
1. Fear of Change
Deep down we are longing for change and sense the Coach would bring us face to face with the necessary steps to bring about this change. And then, the fear sets in. Change inevitably means leaving something behind and trading it in for some unknown territory. You may wonder, "What if I don't like what I get?" "What if the new comes with uncomfortable factors and threats which I failed to calculate and didn't bargain for?" "What if I lose more than just one or the other life circumstance, but also precious relationships?" "Will I have to regret moving into the direction of my dreams?"
A Coach can be invaluable in assisting to conduct both, a thorough cost/benefit analysis and the preparation of loved ones, so that a realistic picture emerges--one that seems more manageable. If the problems can be defined, a solution for each can also emerge.
2. The Painful (and sometimes shameful) Experience of Previous Efforts at Change, which have Failed and were Abandoned
If you are one who dreams about leaving a marriage but have nowhere to go, you probably have packed your bags before, only to unpack them again, feeling ridiculous in your efforts (Lord knows I've been there!). Some of us may then decide to never attempt such a "silly" thing again, instead of using the experience to more thoroughly prepare for a departure from the status quo. Your Coach would point out such a small but tragic error in thinking and help you identify the steps needed to better prepare a place and a support system, should you decide to leave in the future or also start working on your marriage goals. The bottom line is that no one has to remain friendless or helpless, without resources, for all eternity!
3. Feeling Overwhelmed by the Anticipated Effort Required to Make Desired Changes
For example, a dream to relocate to Arizona and start a new life would be coupled with moving, possibly without knowing a soul at the new location and, perhaps, joblessness. Overwhelming, indeed! But if we break the task down into its various components, clear steps to accomplish each emerge: Social media (professional or interest groups) can help establish rudimentary acquaintances and a support base from which other supports can come. Applying for a business loan or position can be done from any location. Perhaps one should visit and vacation once or twice to scout out the area, the housing market, etc., to broaden the perspective. Reading what you can about a town, from crime rate to retirement benefits, median income and cost of living can do much to lessen some of the fears (or can serve to change your mind). In short, DO YOUR HOMEWORK and a clearer picture can emerge, with more known than unknown variables. The final step is to allocate help with packing and moving...Voila.
4. The Law of Attraction
While exercises with the Law of Attraction (and "The Secret") can be invaluable in making your dream a reality, I have also seen cases where it was actually a draw-back. This can be so in cases where a person has no idea yet what they want. All they know is, "Not THIS." Yet then, they are reluctant to examine "this," because they don't want to focus "on Negatives." This can be a most unfortunate misinterpretation of the Law of Attraction. Of course, we must take a brutally honest inventory of what is, in order to eventually arrive at what we want and deserve. For the alcoholic, this called "reaching rock bottom"--a most important step of reckoning and subsequent turn-around. Knowing exactly what we don't want and why we don't want it, can be just as valuable as knowing what we want to try instead. Taking inventory with the intent to clean house is not the same at all as focusing on negatives and, thereby, attracting more of the same. Far from it! The intent is to heal my life! This intent makes all the difference and distinguished reckoning from wallowing in one's misery, assigning blame, gossiping and commiserating.
5. "No Money" or "No Time"
Most of us have experienced shortness of funds at one time or another, and this can be the very reason to begin the coaching process, by itself. We need to find out how this happens, time and again, and how to break the cycle. Truth is that we usually find the coins and time for things we find important enough. We live in a society made up of families, each member with a cell phone, laptops with security and service plans, which are regularly replaced with ever newer versions of the same. Unless our life's dream is to always possess the latest technology (washing machine, TV, etc.), you bet there is money to get help for making our dreams come true! The same is true for the time aspect: If we spend time on computer games, surfing the web and social media every day, there are areas where 1-2 hours/week can be cut and allocated differently. I know this is perhaps unpleasant to hear, but isn't it the truth?
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A Coaching commitment doesn't last forever. Prepare to commit for a time frame of 3-months, to give any dream or idea a reasonable chance to grow roots, and then decide if it's in your interest to add another 3 months of coached endeavors. Remember also:
The butterfly took flight when the pain of the prison (the cocoon) became greater than the fear of flying!
1. Fear of Change
Deep down we are longing for change and sense the Coach would bring us face to face with the necessary steps to bring about this change. And then, the fear sets in. Change inevitably means leaving something behind and trading it in for some unknown territory. You may wonder, "What if I don't like what I get?" "What if the new comes with uncomfortable factors and threats which I failed to calculate and didn't bargain for?" "What if I lose more than just one or the other life circumstance, but also precious relationships?" "Will I have to regret moving into the direction of my dreams?"
A Coach can be invaluable in assisting to conduct both, a thorough cost/benefit analysis and the preparation of loved ones, so that a realistic picture emerges--one that seems more manageable. If the problems can be defined, a solution for each can also emerge.
2. The Painful (and sometimes shameful) Experience of Previous Efforts at Change, which have Failed and were Abandoned
If you are one who dreams about leaving a marriage but have nowhere to go, you probably have packed your bags before, only to unpack them again, feeling ridiculous in your efforts (Lord knows I've been there!). Some of us may then decide to never attempt such a "silly" thing again, instead of using the experience to more thoroughly prepare for a departure from the status quo. Your Coach would point out such a small but tragic error in thinking and help you identify the steps needed to better prepare a place and a support system, should you decide to leave in the future or also start working on your marriage goals. The bottom line is that no one has to remain friendless or helpless, without resources, for all eternity!
3. Feeling Overwhelmed by the Anticipated Effort Required to Make Desired Changes
For example, a dream to relocate to Arizona and start a new life would be coupled with moving, possibly without knowing a soul at the new location and, perhaps, joblessness. Overwhelming, indeed! But if we break the task down into its various components, clear steps to accomplish each emerge: Social media (professional or interest groups) can help establish rudimentary acquaintances and a support base from which other supports can come. Applying for a business loan or position can be done from any location. Perhaps one should visit and vacation once or twice to scout out the area, the housing market, etc., to broaden the perspective. Reading what you can about a town, from crime rate to retirement benefits, median income and cost of living can do much to lessen some of the fears (or can serve to change your mind). In short, DO YOUR HOMEWORK and a clearer picture can emerge, with more known than unknown variables. The final step is to allocate help with packing and moving...Voila.
4. The Law of Attraction
While exercises with the Law of Attraction (and "The Secret") can be invaluable in making your dream a reality, I have also seen cases where it was actually a draw-back. This can be so in cases where a person has no idea yet what they want. All they know is, "Not THIS." Yet then, they are reluctant to examine "this," because they don't want to focus "on Negatives." This can be a most unfortunate misinterpretation of the Law of Attraction. Of course, we must take a brutally honest inventory of what is, in order to eventually arrive at what we want and deserve. For the alcoholic, this called "reaching rock bottom"--a most important step of reckoning and subsequent turn-around. Knowing exactly what we don't want and why we don't want it, can be just as valuable as knowing what we want to try instead. Taking inventory with the intent to clean house is not the same at all as focusing on negatives and, thereby, attracting more of the same. Far from it! The intent is to heal my life! This intent makes all the difference and distinguished reckoning from wallowing in one's misery, assigning blame, gossiping and commiserating.
5. "No Money" or "No Time"
Most of us have experienced shortness of funds at one time or another, and this can be the very reason to begin the coaching process, by itself. We need to find out how this happens, time and again, and how to break the cycle. Truth is that we usually find the coins and time for things we find important enough. We live in a society made up of families, each member with a cell phone, laptops with security and service plans, which are regularly replaced with ever newer versions of the same. Unless our life's dream is to always possess the latest technology (washing machine, TV, etc.), you bet there is money to get help for making our dreams come true! The same is true for the time aspect: If we spend time on computer games, surfing the web and social media every day, there are areas where 1-2 hours/week can be cut and allocated differently. I know this is perhaps unpleasant to hear, but isn't it the truth?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A Coaching commitment doesn't last forever. Prepare to commit for a time frame of 3-months, to give any dream or idea a reasonable chance to grow roots, and then decide if it's in your interest to add another 3 months of coached endeavors. Remember also:
The butterfly took flight when the pain of the prison (the cocoon) became greater than the fear of flying!
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